Presents
by outerelf
Summary: It's comming close to Red Alerts and Infernos bonding day. And the Ark just keeps getting crazier and crazier. And what kind of special day would it be without ending in a boom?


Red Alert was close to panicking. It was coming about time for when he and Inferno had bonded, and he had no idea what to give Inferno. "Inferno… he likes fires. A very big pyromaniac, and he likes fighting. However, I don't know what exactly I could give him." Red Alert grumbled to himself, shifting through the broken camera, looking for the missing piece.

Prowl, passing nearby, paused. "What are you talking about Red Alert?" Prowl asked cautiously. The last time he had asked Red Alert the same question he ended up being taken to Ratchet as Red Alerts insane conspiracy theories managed to twist his logic and battle computer until they had overloaded.

Of course, that _might have been_ from the fact that Prowl stuck Inferno in the brig for disorderly conduct… Prowl dismissed the thought without thinking about it seriously. Red Alert looked up, scowling. "It's almost the day when Inferno and I were bonded. I'm trying to think up of a present for him, but I can't think of anything."

"Why not?"

"I never got to be with anyone like Inferno Prowl! Mostly they were other glitches like me!" Red Alert said, looking slightly flustered. "What do you get Jazz?"

"Usually I give him a very nice overload." Prowl said, nearly purring. "After all, Jazz does complain about my workload."

Red Alert stared up at Prowl and then shook his head. "Unfortunately, I think Inferno wants something a little more solid."

The twins went screeching by at that moment, joking and calling to each other. "Twins…." Red Alert growled, a very dangerous look in his optic. Prowl took a step backwards, as Jazz spoke into his comm. link, despite the fact that Jazz was peeking out. .:_You know, if you put a bloody ax in one hand, he'd look something like from one of those horror vids that humans like to make._:.

.:_Cybertronians as well, but I can get what you're hinting at._:.

Red Alerts hand clenched as he glared narrowed optic at the twins, and then suddenly he pointed. "security room, now!"

The twins exchanged glances, and Red Alerts optics narrowed even further. "Unless you want Ratchet receiving a vid about who welded his tool kit to the wall-"

The twins were gone in a flash. Red Alert sighed, bundling up the camera. "I gust hope I can figure something out in time for the day."

0o0o0o0o0o0

The twins exchanged significant glances as Red Alert entered the room. Both were looking angelic as best as possible. Neither wished to see the look on Ratchets face when he found out it was them that had done the prank. "Twins, for one thing, I'm glad you found someone else to prank other then Prowl and I… but Ratchet?"

"You should hear the things he says. Sunny and I have picked up several new words."

"And I learned a couple things that I didn't think were possible." Red Alert said tartly, collapsing into a chair. "You do realize that when you two act up, Ratchet comes storming into mine or Prowls office, and tells us in great detail what's going to happen unless we catch the culprit?"

"Oh, and the culprit themselves?"

"We've been trying to break you of this ridiculous pranking for vorns." Red Alert growled, about to continue on when a soft, almost timid knocking came at the door.

Red Alert frowned as he said, "Come in."

"Umm, one of you is going have to. I can't."

Red Alert sighed. Humans. Sideswipe was over at the door in an instant, letting the human in. Red Alert couldn't remember the name, but the human looked very nervous as they said, "Umm, Prime requests that the security check reports for the human part of the base are to be given to me."

Red Alert turned from the human. "That's right, I know I put those reports somewhere…"

He pulled out the small box; medium sized for humans, and handed it to the organic. "Comprehensive plan on how the human part of base is to be built to shield all of you from the more dangerous parts of the Ark."

The human took the box, looking inside. "How did you get to type such a small thing, let alone print it?"

"I hacked into one of the smaller computers, I believe you call it a laptop, and used the program in there and requested that a human print it out for me." Red Alert said, struggling to keep a hold of his glitch. Even for him some of the conspiracy theories that were running through his mind were wacko.

The human left with the box, and Red Alert snarled, "I do hope that Prime will let them start using datapads. Having to hack into such primitive computers was too easy, but modifying the programs was not."

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker began sidling out. Red Alert noticed this, but let them go. "Twins, if you have to prank Ratchet, don't let him catch you. Goodness knows I need the break."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Inferno sat nursing his energon cube, staring despondently at nothing. Hound sidled up to the table. "So, what's the matter Inferno?"

"Red Alert."

"You two fight again?"

"No. I want to get him a present for our bonding day… but I have no idea what Red Alert would like."

"What do you mean Inferno?" Hound asked.

Infernos optics moved over to Hound, as Inferno hesitated. He had no wish to reveal anything about Red Alerts private life, despite the fact that he knew Hound wouldn't tell anyone. However… "Red Alert lives like a Spartan." Inferno finally mumbled. "His room is just about bare of any ornaments of any kind. All he's got is maybe a single picture that he doesn't show even me, an recharge booth, and a desk so that way when he's got too much free time he can go ahead and plot out his next theory."

Jazz's voice floated over Inferno's shoulder. "So, what do you think he needs?"

"I don't know what he wants! That's the problem! He's more of a mech to listen, not talk!"

"True enough. We all go through this problem when it comes around time for the anniversary date." Hound admitted. "Mirage misses cybertron so much… but he hates to talk about it."

Inferno laughed, a small smirk appearing on his face. "At least I don't have to deal with that."

"It does get frustrating that Prowl won't be the first to kiss." Jazz said, sliding into a seat.

Inferno looked at the two, and shook his head. "No problems there. Half the time Red Alert will drag me down the hallway to our booth to get a nice interface."

Both shot envious looks. Inferno shrugged, looking at the two. "At least you two don't have to deal with hearing all sort of rumors about your mate that are true, like the whole glitching, conspiracy theories…"

"Yeah, how does Red Alert come up with them?"

Inferno shrugged, optics distant and thoughtful. At last he shrugged, "I think I may have an idea. But…"

All three broke off as Mirage stalked towards them. "Hound."

Hound stood up, and let his mate drag him off. The entire Ark was silently stunned over the abrupt change. Usually it was Hound who dragged Mirage off, not the other way around. Prowl appeared moments later, beckoning to Jazz, causing an even further stunned stupor to fall across the crew. Inferno wondered if Red Alert was going to come-

Crash! Red Alert violently threw open the door as the twins hid. "Ratchet, they aren't here."

Ratchets cursing could be heard over the comm. link as Red Alert held it at arms length from him. "Inferno, get over here. Ratchet wants us."

Inferno got up, puzzled, leaving behind his energon cube.

"Red, what's going on?"

"Well, the twins pranked Ratchet, who then threatened Prowl that he'd turn Jazz into a femme if Prowl wouldn't keep a tighter leash on them, during which Mirage walked in on, wounded after his last spying mission." Red Alert sighed. "Basically, all of the commanding officers are grabbing their mates and locking them up out of Ratchets way."

"And Ratchet wants us why?"

"You'll see when we get in there." Red Alert muttered darkly.

0o0o0o0o0o

Inferno looked up at the screeching cats, each placed on a different light fixture. None of the cats could jump down, and it was too far up for any one mech to reach up and catch them. "Red Alert, I gotta have you climbing up and down my ladder fifteen times?"

Red Alerts barely noticeable blush flickered on his cheeks. "It's either me or someone else."

Inferno was silent. That silence made Red Alert turn. "Inferno-"

"What? I'm sorry Red! I was just thinking how much time I'm taking off after this."

Red Alert sighed in relief, and Inferno scowled slightly at Red Alert. "Don't ya trust me better then that Red?"

"Of course I do Inferno… it's still a little hard to believe that you love me back." Red Alert said, slightly shyly.

_Now I really gotta get the perfect present for Red._ Inferno decided. Ratchet pointedly cleared his vocalizer, a trait he had picked up from humans. It was a warning sound, and both hurriedly moved into the task.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Inferno was trembling by the time they got to the last cat. Red Alerts hands brushed by a joint, and Inferno couldn't help the fans that kicked in, trying to cool down his systems. Ironhide, in for a checkup, looked at Inferno, who vainly tried to quiet his beating spark.

All thoughts of quieting it was lost in a surprised gasp as Red alerts legs slipped, making Red Alert grab on. The extra touch almost made Inferno loose it right then and there, but the fact that Ratchet and Ironhide were watching carefully made Inferno stop from charging off with Red Alert. Not to mention the curious eyes of the human who was waiting for the last cat.

Red Alert climbed of, last cat in hand as he deposited it in the box. "Thank you for your help." Red Alert said, nodding.

Inferno nearly screamed in frustration. Why would Red Alert want to linger, couldn't he see that he was nearly overloading here? Red Alert hurriedly pushed Inferno out as he said, 'Excuse me, I don't think I'll make it on time to my check up Ratchet."

"That's fine." Ratchet said thoughtfully.

The two mechs thankfully escaped to their rooms. The human watched them go with a confused look. "Umm, what's up with those two?"

"Inferno's ladder is very sensitive. Very." Ratchet laughed as he finished up with Ironhide. "Alright, who's next?"

"Jazz, but seeming how Prowl no doubt has him hidden away until he gets the evidence so he's safe-" Ironhide said slowly, giving Ratchet a meaningful look. Ratchet snorted, flapping a hand.

The human looked back and forth, utterly confused. At last he shrugged, thinking. _Giant mechs. I'll never understand them._

0o0o0o0o0o

Inferno grinned. He had finally found it. A perfect gift. Now was the night he was going to give it to Red Alert as they renewed the vows they had taken to each other all those vorns ago.

Red Alert murmured, "I got it cleared with Prowl to use a small abandoned building on the perimeter of the base. No one will disturb us there, and it'll be just the two of us for an entire night."

Inferno grinned back, and changed, engine rumbling quietly in invitation. Red Alert changed and side-by-side they vanished.

0o0o0o0

"Hey, Prowler, where's Red Alert and Inferno?"

"Off to renew their bonding vows."

"Aww, that old ceremony?"

"Both are slightly old-fashioned in that sense, but it works for both of them." Prowl said, looking up.

Jazz grinned. "So where are tjey?"

"Jazz, I'm not telling."

Jazz pouted, and Prowl was glad that he didn't see the optics behind the visor. There would've been no way to resist, and Red Alert would've sent him a conspiracy theory so convoluted he'd crash for the next few vorns.

Prowl flinched as he heard the sound of a distant explosion, and he looked up. Jazz caught the sound as well, and he frowned. "That's odd, I knew that humans wanted to blow up the buildings on the edge of the property-" That was as far as jazz got when when Prowl flicked on the comm. link.

"I want a rescue unit out to those buildings now! Inferno and Red Alert are in there!"

0o0o0o0o0o00

Red Alert frowned as soon as they entered the building, exchanging presents despite how early it was. _Something wasn't right here_- his optics widened as he saw the bombs, and he grabbed Inferno with a strength both never knew he had, threw them both out of the building as the bomb detonated behind them.

Red Alert cried out in agony as his auditory units were blown out and he was sent head over heels from the shock wave to slam into another wall from another one of the buildings. Inferno simply lay there, disbelieving that this could actually be happening on their night out. _I dropped my present._ Came the odd thought, before Inferno completely blackened out, wondering where Red Alert was…

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Ratchet shook his head as he stepped out of the medbay. "They'll live. Red Alerts auditory units were simply blown out, that's why energon was leaking out like that. Inferno had a larger body so he could absorb the shock better, and it was a human bomb so it simply couldn't kill them even if they had been in the heart of the blast."

"Prowl, hat caused the bomb to go off?" Prime asked, his CPU relaxed at the idea of Red Alert and Inferno living.

"We are currently working on that cause now.' Prowl said softly, optics hard. "Why didn't anyone tell me that the humans wanted to get rid of those buildings?"

"They weren't going to destroy them until tomorrow, and we didn't know that they installed the bombs this early!" Jazzs' voice was slightly shaky from the near miss.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Inferno onlined in the medbay, slowly, and feeling as if he ahd been knocked about by Megatron. He glanced over to see the recharging Red Alert, and one hand lifted out across the booth. Red Alert onlined at the touch, his glitch demanding nothing less. "Inferno?"

'You're alive Red!"

"This was not my idea of a good bonding day." Red Alert mumbled, but his optics turned to Inferno as he asked, "Are you alright Inferno?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Good."

"Sorry Red, my present was lost in the explosion no doubt."

Red Alert snorted softly, "Inferno, your best present right now is being alive. I lost mine as well."

Both fell silent for a moment, when Inferno said softly, "I will love you until the Well of Allsparks ends, and Time stops."

Red Alert looked over, and smiled slightly as well as they whispered vows to one another that they had made all those vorns ago.

Ratchet came in at the very end. He considered interrupting them, telling them to go back into recharge, but he let them finished, and they drifted into recharge all on their own. Midnight struck, and Ratchet smiled slightly. "You two made it just in time."

SsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSs

Because I seriously had no idea what to have them give each other, I instead created a way for them to still feel as if they had been given the best present ever, and not have to directly mention it. Eheheheh… (sweatdrop)

Didn't quiet go in the direction I wanted, but it still turned out cute in the end. Or at least I hope…

By the way, been meaning to tell you all, but if you get any ideas from my fics (any kind at all, whether it be prank idea, or something like that) feel free to use it. You don't even have to tell me if you don't wanna, but I'd like a message if you do just so I can compare it and compliment you all on how much better you are. (By the way, this is being said out of extreme egomania that someone might want my crappy ideas anyways...) I DIDN:T GET MY SUGAR TODAY! 


End file.
